Pictures: How I Killed A Lion Today

It's quite a long time since I wrote a long post like this kindly ensure you read it to the end. Abacha! You caused it. Don't know who Abacha is? Visit the Literature section.

Picture or it didn't happen crew, kindly stay off this thread. You know why? I have gat pictures! Yeah, real and live pictures! Infact, I have the video. Video? Yeah! You heard me right.

Back to the real deal. I was chatting with a Nairalander named "the boss" on BBM when an unexpected call came. I checked my phone screen, it was an international number; a China number. Damn! "This guys should be sleeping by now." I thought to myself.

"Who could this be?" I asked nature. I had an idea of who the caller was, but who exactly was my problem. Was it Ms Nancy who had refused replying my messages on alibaba, trade and even wechat? No! It can't be her. Never!

"Oh! It must be Mr Michael who had been begging me to buy his Vintage female wristwatches for $2.3" a voice said within me.

What does he take me for? A fool? No I guess! Nigerians are too bright to be fool by the Chinese. Why should I buy a common vintage wristwatch for $2.3/piece when Mr Bruce Huang has agreed to sell and ship it to my China shipping agent for $1.38/piece. He must be joking. Poor Mr Michael!

I picked the call but changed my accent to that of an African-American, "Hello" the caller spoke first; I kept silent. I had mastered the habit of not talking first when receiving an unknown call.

"What can I do for you?" I asked in the same manner a Chinese will ask if you want to start a conversation him/her. Those guys are damn dull! What is wrong in asking about a person's health before asking for his mission.

"Are you Mr Opeyemi?" He asked in a tone not clear enough for me to hear. What the phvck? How on earth did a Chinese man called my name like a Yoruba herb woman from Ile-Ife when Mr Salami, my former secondary school teacher is still finding it hard to call it right?

"What can I do for you?" I asked again.

"Please, cancel the dispute. You will receive your item before Feb 20th" he begged.

Oh my God! It can't be true? So, this man had the gut to call my phone after changing my shipping company from China Post Air to SwissPost that is as slow as a snail even when I paid him $1.78 for the shipment of my DRV security pens with HD Camera functionality.

"What's your name?" I needed to be sure.

"Mr lee" he answered; his voice shaking.

"Good! Kindly send me another item through Hong Kong Post.........."

"Yemi! See lion. Run!" A female voice shouted. I turned back and saw it. Damn it! It was big. Black it was in colour. It was running towards me like a hungry Lagos mad woman running away from the KAI men.

I made to run from the furious wild cat but my left leg met with a big stone gently placed on the ground; I came crushing like the world trade tower during the 9-11 attack. My blackberry on my right hand, I protected it like a raw egg. I didn't care if I got bitten by the so called Loin, but my blackberry? Hell No!

Some guys have been trying to kill the Loin from the other street; it killed a goat belonging to one Hausa man.

I kept my blackberry smart phone and grabbed a double edged cutlass. Before I could say mynd_44, it came running towards me again.

I was prepared; ready to die. They stood, watching me and the Lion. I timed it. It tried attacking me, I moved two steps backward. I shouted at it; barking like a dog. It brought out his short tongue; licking his blooded mouth. My heart skipped for an hour. Yeah, an hour.

"You had better run now" my street babe advised. Run? No. Not now! I needed to prove that am a Man. I needed her to see how strong I am.

In circle, the Lion walked. I followed suit; my heart beating ten times per seconds.

"Na once man dey die, na so the bible talk" Erigga, the self acclaimed King of the South song came to my mind.

Like magic, it jumped on me. Luckily, I grabbed its neck. They rushed to me, helping me hold it. I let loss, picked my cutlass. With all my power, I stabbed it. A woman came running with a knife, I collected it from her. I found its neck and cut its throat, blood rushing out like the rain. My street babe smiled; I have prove to her. Yemi is a Man.